The ONE question every one wants to ask me (but few do)

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"So... where do you get your money?" 

It's a question a few bold persons have asked, and I suspect many more want to ask. And for good reason: I'm no longer employed, my project doesn't generate any regular income (yet), and I'm currently hemorrhaging capital. Here's how I keep the lights on:

1. Can Wealth

I've begun hoarding the cast off aluminum cans (i.e. FREE MONEY) of my officemates, friends and family. So far I'm at about $8.60
2. Selling my Crap

I've sold off some things already, with more to come. My Facebook yard sales are the stuff of legend. Though hardly anyone ever shows up, and even fewer people actually give me money. Weird...

3. The Money of Christmas Past

In true Scrooge McDuck-ian fashion I hoarded wealth for a while. I still haven't haven't figured out the physics of swimming in it. It's actually more of a puddle than a pool at this point, so I can just kind of step on it, which isn't very satisfying.

"Okay, so, what happens when your can empire collapses?" 

Impossible. Empires don't fall. But in the unlikely and inevitable event that mine does, two things will happen.

Numero Uno: I'll need to start generating additional non-can income.

Just how does one generate income in this line of work? Great question. Unless you are super lucky and have a rich relative with unlimited can wealth, it takes a multi-pronged approach. What I am shooting for looks something like this:

  1. Build a brand
  2. Develop a following
  3. Sell merch
  4. Sign up sponsors
  5. Sell more merch
  6. Marry a movie star
  7. Write a book
  8. License my likeness and live off of the royalties

Okay, so marrying a rich and powerful woman isn't part of my business plan (though IT IS something my dad has been pushing since I was 17). Generating income will actually look like items 1-4, probably offering some sort of premium content, digital "tips" through Patreon, and doing a Kickstarter this summer. 

Speaking of merch... 

Hi-5! We got sherts!

These two doofuses are  literally the people who will make your shirt

These two doofuses are literally the people who will make your shirt

Hand-pulled, locally printed with eco-friendly inks, on 1000% cotton, Made in America (like actually made in america) t-shirts. Oh, and did we mention that $1 of every sale goes to support our homies at Maya Pedal? 

Now, ticking off all of those liberal-agenda check boxes isn't cheap. Our shirts are $26 each. Yikes. BUT! But but but, you are supporting SO many important things when you buy a shirt:

  1. Bicimakina (duh!)
  2. Threadbare Print House 
  3. Royal Apparel 
  4. Maya Pedal
  5. My dream of marrying a movie star and living off the royalties

It's also worth mentioning that these are LIMITED ADDITION, yes, that's right, there will be a skance few of them EVER made. Forrrrreeeevvvvvveeeeerrrrr. 

Each season, we will be offering a unique limited-edison shirt, designed by a kewl new artist. 4 times per year. Based on the NASDAQ. And guess what, this first one ends in 11 days


Once the clock strikes midnight on the 31st of this month, you will never ever ever be able to get that unique design again. There will be a different and equally awesome design, but not this one... so get your shirt! To the chopper!

Numero after Uno, actually, this is really before Uno, so I guess we'll call it pre-Numero Uno: I need a place to live that's as close to free as possible.

So far, this has looked like several house-sitting gigs strung together. It could also look like me renting a whole house and Air Bed & Breakfasting out the remaining rooms, or someone saying "hey, what you do is really kewl and we want to support your wackadoodle enterprise, so come live with us for no money. Or very little money. But mostly no money." 

Do you have a house you're willing to let me Air Bud? Or a room you'll rent for cans? Or a house that needs to be sat? 

Maybe you know someone who has these magical things? 

I'm looking to move as soon as April 7th, or as late as April 15th. 

Let me know. I've got good references and street cred. 


P.S. I had a really important phone conversation today with an AWESOME company that is interested in Bicimakina. I'm not allowed to kiss and tell, so I can't dish any dirt. But it could be the big break that this project needs to rocket into the fourth dimension of existence. Or something like that. 

So, light some incense, say some prayers, and/or incantations in the comment section below. Also, buy a shirt.